As per the report of the Family Justice Working Group, in 2016 the annual number of divorce cases in Canada was approximately 70,000. As per their study, 33% of the first marriages end up in divorce. With the growing number of divorce cases, it is important that we find ways to address the issue.
Marriage is a beautiful relationship between two people but if you feel suffocated in a marriage, you often see only two options, i.e. either to stay in an unsatisfying relationship or to get divorced. However, there is also a third option and i.e. to make an effort to improve your marriage and enjoy your relationship once again. Remember, your immediate actions can make a huge difference to the outcome of your marriage. So, here are 6 things which you must do before you decide to end your marriage.
Must Do Things Before Deciding to End Your Marriage
1. Identify the Issue: You cannot fix the problem until you know what exactly the problem is. Take time to identify the issues. Make a list of the changes you are looking for to make you feel satisfied and happy in a relationship. It could be a need for more affection, space, independence, love, nurturing, stronger emotional connect or any other reason. You should also encourage your spouse to list down their issues so that you two can come up with effective solutions.
2. Have a Good Conversation: You can fix your relationship by talking to your spouse when you both are calm and ready to listen. Focus on understanding your partner’s point of view. Show them that you are open to ideas and suggestions. Try to use more of ‘I’ statements rather than ‘you’. Like for instance, you can put across your point by saying, ‘I would love if you can find more time for us’; instead of saying, ‘You never spend time with me’. These are small gestures but can make a huge difference in your relationship.
3. Focus on Self-Improvement: The first step to improving your marriage is by admitting your faults and trying to take ownership of your own less than perfect behavior. You cannot control your partner’s behavior, but you can definitely make desirable changes in your own behavior, which might, in turn, make your partner realize and change for good. This way you can escape from all the heated up arguments and blame game.
4. Break from Your Assumptions: It is not a good idea to hold on to your assumptions like your partner does not love you or cares for you or cheats you. Try and flip your negative assumptions into positive ones. Put your energy into fixing things and improving your marriage instead of finding reasons to end it. Look for reasons to stay in a relationship. Spend time together and recall the time when you both first fell in love.
5. Seek Professional Help: An effective counseling from a relationship counsellor or a marriage counsellor can help you and your spouse to improve your marriage. They can help you find ways to revitalize your relationship. A good counsellor can guide you two through the hard times and present an altogether different perspective about things. Remember, therapy or counselling is not a quick fix, it is ultimately you both who have to make an effort and do your homework well.
6. Do Not Let Others Interfere: It is not a good idea to let others influence your decisions. Your friends and family may sometimes distract you from clear thoughts and your attitude towards marriage. Instead of talking to your friends or co-workers, first focus on talking to your spouse to sort out the issues. Improving your marriage should be your first priority. Any distractions which come in your way should be complete ignored or eliminated.
These are few effective tips that can help you save your marriage. So consider our advice before you decide to end your marriage. At The Family Enhancement Centre, we work on resolving issues between the couples by providing counselling for marital problems and couple related issues. Our counselling sessions are available in multiple languages including English, French, Spanish, Cantonese, Hindi, Punjabi and Malayalam. Our offices are in Brampton, Mississauga, Niagara Falls and Orangeville. So call us now at 905-799-2228 to find the location closest to you.