Marriage counsellors at The Family Enhancement Centre advice five tips for a happy married life and avoid becoming a statistic in divorce records.
Our marriage therapists have been providing counselling to couples in Brampton, Mississauga, Niagara Falls and Orangeville for over a decade. They understand what both partners are going through in a difficult relationship and can help couples become more connected, closer and better able to handle disagreements, anger and conflict.
From their experience of relationship counselling, our therapists have created a checklist of the five important things couples should discuss and resolve if they want to divorce-proof their marriage.
In an ideal scenario, we would suggest you work these issues out before starting your relationship. However, if your already married, it is better if both partners discuss these areas sooner! If you discover that you and your partner do not agree on a few things; consider couples counselling before differences grow any wider.
If you follow these tips you can have a blissful married life that will stand the test of time and last forever. These tips are actionable and achievable and give you a set of guidelines to determine if you’re most important values, beliefs and ideals are in alignment. It is these values that strengthen a long-lasting union, making it divorce-proof.
Dreams and Ambitions: The first thing to consider with your partner is: “What do you desire to create in your life?” If your hopes and expectations do not match seeds of discontent will find fertile ground and the end result will be pain. It is one of the reasons why couples decide to split and go their separate ways. While discussing this topic, explore following questions:
- Where do you want to live?
- What type of home do you want?
- Are you an entrepreneurial spirit or do you prefer the certainty of a fixed salary?
- Do you like travelling or relaxing at home?
Ties with Family: Family matters are usually an emotional and charged up topic so it is better to discuss and align with your partner in this area. Somebody from a large extended family may have very different expectations than someone who does not have so many relatives. If they love your family and are ready to adjust, it is a great match but things will be difficult if they are not. Try to know your partners’ thoughts on:
- Taking care of elderly family members who need assistance
- Whether they prefer privacy or are ready to let guests stay
Lifestyle and health: Another important factor to consider for a long lasting marriage is your partner’s perspective towards lifestyle and wellness and any current or past health issues. This area is very sensitive and it is important to disclose any information or family history that your partner should know. Beyond the state of general health, it is important that both partners have aligned lifestyle values as well. Topics to explore are:
- What does your partner think about the role of diet and exercise in life?
- What are their eating habits, are they vegan and gym junkie or couch potato and junk food lover
- Are your lifestyle and eating habits aligning? Will you both be able to adjust with each other while having completely different tastes and preferences
Wealth and finance: With our experience in couples counselling, we can say that money issues are the number one irritant in marital relationships. If your beliefs do not match on the matters of wealth and finance; you will have a relationship full of conflict, stress and resentment. Discuss openly about each others’ view points on the matters of money, savings and investments.
Youth and children: It is important to discuss openly about your expectations around family planning? It is one of the most critical decisions you’ll make in life. While some people know for sure that they do not want kids while some believe that it is going to be the most beautiful thing they can have in life. Some of the topics to discuss are:
- What is your timeline for having kids?
- Do you want to start trying for family immediately or is that a decision you will take later?
- What are your thoughts about in vitro fertilization if it became necessary?
- Would you consider an adoption?
There is much more to discuss and resolve before you can settle down happily in a marital relationship. There are no fixed answers for these questions. Right answers are those that you and your partner can arrive at through discussion, compromise and agreement.
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