What did you think your parenting style would look like? Are you parenting in the manner you had planned or has everything changed unpredictably?
Well, that’s parenthood.
We learn a lot about parenting from our parents. Many individuals appreciate their parent’s style of parenting. When these people unfold a scenario with their children, they question, “how would my mother/father deal with this situation.” They aim to replicate the experience they had with their parents. Some people refuse to raise their children the way their parents raised them by refusing to repeat their parenting approach. It usually occurs when individuals have poor childhood memories, making them sad, upset, and disappointed.
Unfortunately, both of these parenting strategies are flawed. Whether you follow your parents or refuse their parenting method, it’s essential to consider that you and your children are very different and unique.
Following your parent’s parenting style may not work because you and your children are not the same as you and your parents. Your existing family is very different, and it involves other individuals. Even if you can find a hundred similarities between you and your parents, you are all distinct and unique people. Similarly, you and your children are not exactly alike. That is why your communication and experiences with your parents cannot be exactly like your experiences with your children. You and your children will respond differently to scenarios. Also, this leads to parental disappointment and unfairness towards children. This is because you expect them to behave and react as if you would, regardless of if they behaved well or not. The absolute priority should be if your child behaves and responds well. In addition, when parents are disappointed, they tend to blame their children when they should be considerate of their expectations and give their children the chance to behave in their personality and uniqueness.
On the other hand, refusing to follow your parent’s method is also a poor parenting strategy. What you believed to be “bad parenting” as a child may be good parenting. People who avoid their parents’ techniques may also prevent some good strategies. For example, a parent never lets her child eat candy before bed. As a child, you may whine, be upset, and even throw a tantrum for a chocolate bar. As parents, we understand that highly processed sugars are not good for children’s health and teeth before bedtime. Hence, what you believe as a child to be good for you may not be. The utmost priority of your children should be their mental and physical health and wellness. People who resist their parent’s techniques sooner or later start to implement the parenting strategies they underwent in their childhood. For instance, your parents were shouting at you; you decided not to yell at your child; it does not work; your child ignores your messages; it irritates you, and one day you shout.
A good parenting strategy does not focus on replicating their experience or using their children in their rage but rather on their child’s individual growth, uniqueness, and mental and physical wellbeing. Practically, your parenting approach needs to be developed mindfully and almost from scratch. It is supposed to be a result of the intentional discussions between you and your spouse. Some details may remind techniques which you remember from your parents. However, you and your children benefit more if your parenting program comes from serious discussions, challenging and responsible thinking, mindful parenting practice, sincere interest in your child, and creativity. Talking to a specialist might be an excellent way to improve your parenting style and develop your creativity if you struggle to communicate with your children.
For more information, please call 905-799-2228 or sign up on the form.