The Lasting Importance of Our Relationship with our Parents
The importance of our relationship with our parents lasts a lifetime. Whether they gave us a sense of happiness and security or our childhood was marked by pain and difficulty, their influence on our development remains central.
In therapy, adults often speak about their childhood experiences: painful episodes, meaningful events, lingering impressions, or moments of confusion and frustration. These fragments eventually form a larger picture, and we begin to speak about the story of our relationship with our parents.
But does that story ever truly end?
Not really. Even when our parents are no longer with us.
We continue to view the world largely through the lens of our early dynamics with them. This might include warm feelings of being protected or guided, of being unconditionally loved and supported. Or it might be a history of feeling judged, overcontrolled, rejected, or abandoned. One way or another, this experience accompanies us throughout our lives.
Have you ever found yourself in the middle of an imagined conversation with your mother or father? This usually means that something in that relationship remains unresolved and is still affecting you today.
In therapy, this impact becomes especially visible when we recognize that a person’s thoughts or emotional responses are still shaped by the roles their parents played in their life. This isn’t necessarily good or bad. It's actually natural to maintain an internal dialogue with our parents.
And sometimes, it’s worthwhile to give voice to that dialogue. To explore what you actually hear your parents saying in your mind. And, perhaps even more importantly, to recognize what you are saying in return.
If you notice that this inner dialogue with your parents continues in your thoughts, it may be helpful to pause and reflect: why does something still feel unfinished or unspoken between you and them?
Of course, it’s best to address this while there’s still time to do so directly. But even if it’s too late for that, therapy offers a space where any dialogue can be brought to life. A psychotherapist can help you explore and understand what message you are still carrying for your parent, what holds you back from expressing it, or how you might finally find a way to say it.
