Life On The Other Side
"I understand". Two words from a therapist that can mean so much to a client. But what does the therapist really mean when they say this? Let's say the client is voicing concerns about managing their child's temper tantrums and the therapist has children of their own, so then they can truly understand.
As therapists, we want to connect with clients and saying "I understand" is an effective way to do this. But sometimes we can't understand, not for lack of trying, but because we haven't walked in someone else's shoes. For me, understanding what some clients really experience took on a whole new meaning when I experienced what I call "Life on the other side".
I was a social worker for over 15 years before I started working in a hospital. My role there was to support patients and families facing health and emotional challenges. I connected well with the people I helped, and I understood what they were going through - or so I thought. But then my own personal crisis hit - 2 close family members were diagnosed with life threatening illnesses. I stepped up to support them. Who else better than me to do this seeing as I was a professional who knew and understood the health care system?
That's where I was wrong. Yes, I knew how to get things put in place, like homecare services, but what I didn't know was what it felt like to be on the other side - the receiving end of services. That was a huge rude awakening.
I spent months hearing health care professionals tell me things I had often told my patients, like "the doctor will be here soon". I never realized what it felt like to be afraid that if I went to the washroom then I would miss the doctor coming in. I never realized what it felt like to hear the health care team talking outside a patient's room and wondering what they were saying and thinking.
For the first time, I had to "practice what I preached" - be patient, trust the team, trust the process.
I could give so many examples but what happened was I had an epiphany. When I spoke to the different members of the health care team, including the social worker, and they said "I understand". I suddenly wondered "Do they really?". I knew they were all genuinely supportive, but I felt like no one could really understand what I was going through.
This life experience enriched my skills as a therapist. Of course, not every therapist can have experienced everything their clients have. As therapists, we help a wide range of clients experiencing a multitude of situations, from many diverse backgrounds.
As much as therapists continue to educate themselves and as hard as we try, every situation is unique. So, the takeaway is twofold - as a therapist before you say, "I understand" try instead to say, "help me to understand what you're going through", and as a client, know that your therapist is here for you so help them really grasp what you're experiencing.
Clients and therapists communicating and working together really improves the process.
